January 17, 2001-Wednesday, Divorce and Moving On
Today was very interesting as I had to meet with my attorney and try to mediate rather than going to court. After two hours of bantering, nothing was accomplished and my attorney said "we will see you in court"
It was very hard sitting across from the woman I professed my love to. It was hard to deal with the negativity throughout the whole thing. It is an experience i recommend you avoid at all costs. Maryann seemed to be bitter about the whole thing. She seemed mad about me pursuing getting a lawyer and pursuing my interests so hard. I was pissed because she cheated on me and expected me to keep everything alright on her side. I continually felt like the bad guy.
I am realizing that it will be a while before i ever say "I love you" again. We say it to soon without knowing all the ramifications. I realized that I jump into relationships too soon seeking security. From here on out, i refuse to be a people pleaser. I need to take care of me and begin looking out for what is important to me.
I didn't want to hurt Julie, but i feel it will happen due to my inability to commit to her. She treats me like a king and I realize that, however, her energy would be better spend on someone who really appreciated it.
I told Tony today that I was moving out on the 1st. He did not like that idea at all. I just hope he can move past it and respect my point of view.
1. I need to have my space
2. I don't feel it is healthy to live and work in the same place.
3. Its just time to move on. Denver served its time in my life and it was fantastic, but I am ready for the next chapter.
Until next time....