Sometimes i want to run away....

Many people seem to think that i am superhuman. I am here to advise you that I am human just like everyone else. I have emotions, I have good days, bad days and then there are times when i just break down and cry.

Sometimes life presents so many things at your feet that it can be overwhelming. This morning, after a lack of sleep, I woke up and put on some music that I knew would get me into that emotional place, walked out on the balcony, after getting ready for work, looked at the slope behind my room at the Hotel Park city, and got into that place and just let go...and cried.

Some days are better than others....some days are very good and some days you just can't put your finger on what is going on inside of you. You just accept that you don't feel like you always do and then move on. Today seems to be one of those days.

As I was crying on my balcony and feeling whatever was going on, I began to realize that maybe I am different. Maybe my calling is different in the sense that I am not destined for conventional. Maybe my life is destined for the service of others. As I sat there and realized that I have a gift, a gift that people can release and open up to me, I realized it is almost like being a superhero.

I imagined being a superhero, like superman or spiderman...destined for a life of isolation and the fact that love may not find me...because its not in the cards. I can't really say, I can say that I know love is real. defines love as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." another definition is "affectionate concern for the well-being of others:" My love for others will always exist. I love everyone and enjoy crossing their paths in order to help them overcome some obstacle in their life. For intensive purposes, I am really referring to the former of the love definitions.

Maybe the universe decides or needs me to be absent of that kind of love and to be free to do at a moments notice. In that, I am happy to serve, but part of me becomes sad. Never being able to give myself 100% to someone that you love (either for fear of not being loved back or because maybe its not the Universes plan for me).

I sit content and just be. Trying to remove any emotions that I have, for also knowing that love is my weakness. It breaks me down and removes my ability to think on a logical level and therefore causes me to make decisions that may not be best for my future. In all actuality, i just have to be...I have to feel... I have to constrain...

until next time...
Chad BordesComment