Pulling through...

So today I woke up in a relatively good mood, although I did have a screwed up dream about my ex wife, her father and some random people I have no idea about. I woke up at 6:30 and tried to embrace the day, even though I was a bit drag-ass. I checked my email and began to prep for my day, for on this day, I decided to do a ride with my friend Eileen through Elfin Forrest. Note to self: Rides from now on start at 7am not 9 as previously thought was okay as 9am leads into a noon ride which equals heat which equals a bitch.

I realized today that I will never be a Lance Armstrong, or even the guy in last place in the tour for that matter, however, I did realize that I love the ride and just being out doors. I completed a 50 mile ride today and it felt good, not great mind you, just good. I got off the bike feeling accomplished. The fact that I was moving and doing something made me feel better about the day. I think the biggest reason I felt good is because I forced myself to be in the moment. I felt the heat of the sun beating down on me, I felt the air warm up as we rode further from the coast, I heard the tires on the pavement, and I cherished the cool air as I got back to towards the coast near Solana Beach.

Im not perfect. Sometimes I just get caught up in the moment. I feel like I have to be superman and fix people and the world. I want to help all those in need...call me altruistic. I was listening to a song the other day and it hit home for me.

"It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive, Even heroes have the right to bleed, I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede, Even heroes have the right to dream, And it’s not easy to be me."

Sometimes I just take it all in and can't find the way to let it go. I know I have been extremely negative or debbie downer lately and I apologize. I am human and have human emotions sometimes. I appreciate all your support. So many people reached out and said they care and it made me realize I am not alone. The human condition is alive and well...

Until next time

PS. expect a lot more cynical shit from me in the future...I have realized that the journey is the best part and as my friend Catherine said,

"Life is not a destination, it's a journey.. be who you want to be - no one gets an award when they get to the end of this life who has the most money. It's about being happy, the most simplest of things.
It may be a mid-life crisis.. or maybe just a mid-life assessment.. what and how can I fit in all the things I want to do in the next 30 years."
Chad BordesComment