its crazy how it happens

Many of you know me and know my rantings about falling in love and how I have tried it, been hurt, let down and completely discouraged.  I figured it was better to just be single than try to figure it all out.  I was tired of dealing the the headache and the drama that comes sometimes from relationships and not necessarily the relationship, but the incompatibility of two people.

I decided to go on and give it a try again.  I got plenty of responses, but not alot that I was interested in.  I tend to know what I am looking for when I see it.   Call me a visual person, but I find there is an attraction that only the eyes can give off.  I look for a very specific look from the eyes and it can't be described, it is just something that you know and feel when you see it.

After a few weeks of being on the site I was ready to throw in the towel (and after investing in a 6 month membership).  I got a response from a girl who I found to be incredibly cute.  I had a hard time believing that she wanted to talk to me.  I went back to her profile like  3 or 4 times and kept staring at her picture.  I responded to her and I couldn't stop staring at her profile pics.  I told her I was coming off the site and gave her my number.  She advised me that she couldn't stop staring at my pics and began to text me very regularly.

She sent me a few more photos and I couldn't believe my eyes.  She was exactly what my heart wanted.  Her eyes were majestic and could feel myself being drawn to this amazing girl inexplicably.  Our conversations continued and we began to flirt and finally decided to meet after our traveling schedules settled down.  I got back from Portland on the 9th, a day early and called and asked if she would want to have dinner.  She said yes and suggested Dukes in Malibu.

I left the house early that day and decided to spread the rest of my fathers ashes in the pacific.   It is what he wanted.  I told my dad about her and said that she was really pretty and seemed super nice.  I also told him that I was very nervous about meeting anyone and allowing myself to be exposed.  Shortly after that, there was a breeze off the pacific ocean as if to say, "Thank you" and "everything is going to be alright", however, I was still nervous.

I got to the restaurant at 6:50 and waited around for her.  She texted me saying she was running a little late and that she would be there at 7:20.    I decided to go in and get a table.  I sat nervously and just happened to stand up and look right at her as she entered the door.  Our gaze locked and it was as if we were stuck in a time warp.  She greeted me with a friendly hug and we proceeded to talk and order drinks.  The waiter kept having to interrupt us as we were "locked in gaze" as I would like to say.  It happened all night.

After 3 amazing hours of conversation and realizing we were the only ones there, aside from the bar customers, we decided to head out.  She told me that she wanted to kiss me and I of course obliged.  Her lips were soft and breath was sweet.  I wanted to kiss her for hours.  She made a point of telling me how cute I was and I thanked her.  I wanted the date to go on for another 14,000 hours.  Something about her enraptured me.  Was it her smile, her laugh, her sense of humor?  

I realized that I had  to let go of old ideas.  Old thoughts and old beliefs that kept me from allowing myself to feel what a true relationship would look like.  I allowed myself to be as free as a bird taking its first flight, being scared but allowing myself to feel.  I decided not to put limits on what or when a feeling takes place.  I allow myself to become and to feel however scary it may be.

I am happy to say we made it to a month and I have never been happier.  I love my relationship with Raluca.  She is amazing, funny, smart and silly and together we work.  We constantly have fun and we constantly laugh.

All I can say is let go, to let love in.
Chad BordesLife2 Comments