Is This Thing On?
It's been a minute and I haven't been inspired to write, however, Greg Laswell just released a new album and every time I listen to him, I get inspired. He bears his soul and then some. This latest album is no exception. You feel every lyric, every note, and every space between the notes. He is by far one of the best musicians out there. He writes all his own stuff and I love it all. My two man crushes are Mark Manson and Greg Laswell. Mark, if you haven't read him, is a brilliant writer who captures the essence of things and breaks things down to the simplest form.
I am listening to greg and staring out at the fog, both in my head and in the distance here in del mar. There is a cool breeze blowing through the hotel of the lobby I am staying at. Been at L'auberge for the weekend with my cousin. He's in town for the weekend and invited me to stay with him. It has been a nice little staycation. There is a change in the air that I can palpate. Its different than before. It may be that I am forcing myself to grow up and stop seeing things in the youthful way I always have. Maybe it's just breaking old habits.
Im becoming very introspective and trying to battle the demons in my head. It's the battle of growing old and becoming irrelevant. I never felt this way in my 30s, but lately as I approach the latter years of my forties, I begin to realize that I haven't accomplished all the things that I wanted to do. Its as if I feel that time is running out. I often feel like a shadow going through life and that I just don't matter anymore. It is but a fleeting thought. I have people I have helped through my writing and that's what I need to hold on to, not the other stuff.
Breaking old habits and patterns is hard, however you have to start somewhere. Its a daily battle with my head and heart. My heart's in the right place but the head likes to get in the way and fuck things up. I was sharing with my good friend Scott E. the other day that when you start to get into that negative headspace, take a breath, stop where you stand and say "shut the fuck up". I try not to do it loud and in public because it can be embarrassing, but sometimes it has to be done. Doing that simple act is very liberating and relaxing. Its a constant battle but I find that its getting less and less that I have to do it. I know when it comes on pretty heavy and that is when I don't spend time sitting with myself.
If you have ever heard me talk about sitting with yourself, I am talking about becoming mindful and meditation. Its the truest way to sit with yourself and see what is going on in your world. I honestly believe a strong life practice is to sit with yourself often. You should get in the habit of doing this at least twice a day for 10-20 minutes at a time. Many people say they can't do that but you will be surprised what happens when you just try.
This wasn't my best work, but not my worst. I try to work through things in my head and putting things on paper is cathartic. It helps me overcome my demons. If you are battling them, you are not alone. Inc magazine stated on April 5th of this year,
Loneliness? Startling New Study Says We Should Stop Blaming Facebook
The real causes are working too much, lack of sleep, and lack of physical activity.
We are overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, and lazy. Maybe this is why we all feel so disconnected. Maybe its time we put the phones down and have a conversation with a friend. Maybe we need to become physical again? Maybe we need to change our social habits and not spend them drinking or eating our problems away? Maybe we need to just try.
Until next time...